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Still Waters » Surfacing » Fanfiction º When There's Nothing Left to Be
»Chapters: [ 1 - 2 - 3 ]
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This story doesn't quite fit in with the usual setup, because it was originally written in various parts to supply a bit of backstory in an RPG. They're included here together as one story though, because they're all heavily interconnected. The first part is composed of diary entries, starting from immediately post-TRY up through getting the new house established. The second part is a simple look into a day in her life in the early days of the shop, and in the final part, guidance comes from unexpected sources.
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I think it would be a good idea if I were to start writing things down. I'm no longer certain what day this is. Has it really only been just a few months since I first met Miss Lina and the others? It feels like a lifetime ago. Everything's become so blurred together, and the lines are growing hazy. Maybe if I start writing things down, no matter how mundane, days will remain distinct and separate, and not flow together in a muddy, muddled mess.
Mister Jillas isn't quite certain of the date himself. I just asked. He hasn't paid it much attention since he first went with Valgaav.
Valgaav. Was it truly only yesterday that I last saw him alive? Did I almost reach him, could I have if I'd only tried just a little harder, or was it already too late? Perhaps it's for the best. Now he has a chance for a life free from a Mazoku influence, free from memories, free from pain.
Can I really give him all that, being who I am, what I am? I can only try, and hope I live up to the task placed before me. Maybe then, maybe if I can give him a perfect life, this blood will be washed from my hands.
Two days since Dark Star. Two days since I parted ways with everyone, alone save for a scatterbrained, if resourceful and loyal, little foxman. That's time now. The dates don't matter; everything before is dead. The old ways, the old faces, all the names -- they're gone now. Everything I knew, everything I thought I knew -- gone. Dark Star marked the end of all that was, and the beginning of all that will be.
I confess I'm tired of traveling now. I just wish to go home, but where is home? There isn't one, not yet. We spent the day pooling our resources, Jillas and I. Not just what we have of value, but what of value we can do. I can sell my headdress; he's assured me it will fetch a tidy sum. How much is tidy, I don't know. But whatever it is, it will be more than what we have.
Most of my travel expenses have been depleted, but I still have some. We're staying by a river now; even if we had come to a village yet, we would still be here. He's cooking fish he caught for us over the fire, and although it's not as comfortable and warm here as a bed at an inn, it's free. Jillas has a bit of money as well, and some things which he also plans to sell. Perhaps then, we can pool enough to afford to rent or buy a place to stay, and from there, rebuild.
I know I can make pottery, although without a wheel, it's nigh impossible. Perhaps Jillas could make one, but yet that is another expense, buying the supplies to build it. He has asked me if there's any back at my temple, and there might still be some undamaged, but I'm hesitant to return. I'm hesitant to bring in anything of the past, anything from that place, covered with its taint, into the new life. We shall see.
It's done. We sold my headdress today, my bracelets as well. It's strange. I thought I might feel grief at parting with them, but I didn't. I did not expect to feel the way I did, and it scares me. Watching them change hands, I felt fury. Not because they were being taken from me, but because I knew they would continue to exist, and I hated them. I hated all they stood for with such an intensity that I couldn't breathe. For just a moment, I wanted everything destroyed. Wiped out. Gone.
It terrified me. That was how Valgaav felt, wasn't it? This isn't good. I must never feel that again; I cannot afford to.
I don't know what a fair price for a home or rent would be, although Jillas assures me he does. What choice do I have but to trust him? At any rate, there was nothing in the village we were at today. So we travel on.
I wonder who this little stranger is, traveling with us. I hope he shall not hold a single memory of his past, but what if he does? What if he remembers? Will he hate me then?
I used to have so many answers -- or so I thought. Now I have no answers, and far, far too many questions which no one can answer. I'm tired tonight.
And then there were three. We met up with someone else today as we went through another town - Valgaav's other servant, Gravos. I have my misgivings about including him, but Jillas assures me it will be fine. We shall see, I suppose.
I'm listening to them now, talking around the fire across from me, making plans to stay a bit longer at the next village, do some work, raise a bit more money. I wonder what I could do. I know how to clean, at least. Maybe there'll be an inn in need of someone to clean the rooms, or the kitchen. I can't let them do all the work. I haven't yet contributed anything to this. I sold some things, but they weren't anything I didn't already want to part with.
I can't let anyone take care of me anymore. I can't ever depend on anyone again. It's too risky. And I won't ever be beholden to anyone. Not for money or for favors. Money can be hard to come by, and some favors come with too high a price.
I'll find what I can do, and I'll do my part. It's not just myself I have to see to being able to provide for, it's this little stranger, asleep in his egg, tucked away safely in my basket. I don't need that much, I'm used to it. But I'll see to it that he wants for nothing, and that's a promise.
Five days now. Tonight, we stay at an inn - or at least Jillas and I do. Gravos is a bit too big. Jillas is out now, I think, talking to Gravos who's staying next door at the livery. I earned some coins, and the innkeeper's wife allowed us two rooms. I'll be working here tomorrow again; they need their cellar cleaned, and the kitchen. Jillas and Gravos have found some work doing repairs in the livery and helping the local smithy.
Gravos has offered to help with the shop, and apparently he's a decent metalworker himself, because he's said he can make weapons. We can sell both, cater to a wider variety of people. Perhaps I shall name it 'Vases and Maces'.
I missed yesterday; I was too exhausted to write. I'm worn out again today, but I just wanted to make sure I don't lose track. We leave tomorrow, our collective purses a bit heavier. There is still work to be done, but we have learned of a house for sale from a man whose mother in a nearby village has been seeking a buyer for her home. She no longer wishes to live there alone, and most furnishings are going to be included in the purchase since she will be moving in with him and his wife.
He's leading us out tomorrow, and I suppose we'll likely buy the house, even if it's in need of repairs. We'd likely have to renovate it anyway, to be able to open a shop, and I'm being told the price is excellent, especially for something that's coming furnished.
It's done. We've bought the house, although there was barely enough left over for a single room at the inn tonight. At least tomorrow night, I'll be sleeping in my own place, and the innkeeper's wife has promised me work in the morning at breakfast, so we'll have a bit more to purchase food. Jillas and Gravos are sleeping at the house, in the back yard.
It's a nice little place. We're talking of turning the dining room into a shop, and perhaps put in some stairs going up to the bedroom above, sealing that off from the other rooms, so there's storage and future expansion room. Jillas and Gravos are already starting to poke around a little shed out back to turn it into a cottage for themselves. I know we will have no need for the furniture in the dining room, which is really quite a shame because it's truly lovely. But it will fetch a nice price, and bring in money we desperately need right now.
Forty years of living in that house have resulted in it being rather crowded over with things, so tomorrow night after I finish working here at the inn, I'll likely start going through it all, room by room, and separating what we can sell for a worthwhile price from what we need.
It would also seem we'll have things other than vases and maces to sell, at least for a while. She's not taking most of the little knickknacks and other cluttery small objects I saw scattered throughout the home, so they're ours. I see no purpose to them, and unless something truly stands out, I can't imagine why I'd be inclined to keep them. Perhaps they will sell.
I cannot believe I missed making an entry for two whole days, but then again, maybe I can. I've been too busy to even think; the first night, I fell asleep on the sofa while sorting through things in an old trunk Gravos brought down from the front bedroom we're going to turn into the shop's second level. They've been busy too, cleaning out the rooms, cleaning up things we've decided can be sold, searching for buyers, and doing odd jobs around the village. I've taken in several loads of laundry and did them today for some women in the village in exchange for various foodstuffs.
We found a trunk of old dresses; most of them are impractical, but a few of them I've been able to alter to fit me. Most of them were too short to be proper, so I had to lengthen them with parts from other dresses. Make do with what's here; they're not very pretty to look at, but they're sturdy enough and they'll do for all the cleaning and labor that needs doing.
The bedroom above the parlor is being turned into a nursery for Baby Val, when he hatches. I'm taking the bedroom above the kitchen. That was apparently the woman's bedroom before, and it already has a bed and a nice, sturdy wardrobe, as well as a little vanity table and mirror. I've had Gravos bring down a writing desk from the bedroom above the parlor, and it's sitting in the corner where I'm writing now. I have a little book here where I'm keeping track of our income and expenses, and a little wish list of things we need to purchase, along with the estimated costs.
It will take a lot of doing to get the shop into operation. The foundation for the kiln and forge were set out today, and we've finally sold off everything in the dining room, and a good deal of furniture. I sold most of the stools and chairs that were salable, and Jillas refurbished the ones he found in the shed to set out for us around the table. The parlor's almost bare now, compared to when I first saw it. All we need, really, is the sofa and two chairs. There's a window seat by the bay window that can make do in a pinch. It will be a while yet before we would have need for anything more, especially since Val will be small for years to come.
There were all kinds of things in the shed, and Jillas scavenged quite a bit. He's making a little bed for Val, with sides attached to it for now. Later when he's older, we can remove them, but it's more practical than a bassinet, especially for a little dragon.
Jillas is a darling. An impractical darling, but a darling nevertheless. I've discovered today that he acquired some bolts of fabric for me to make a few dresses and aprons with, the dear. I'm starting that tomorrow, if I have time. The fabric for the dresses is a soft shade of blue, not quite light, not quite dark, a sort of dim, dusty pastel blue, and it's nice and sturdy and warm, a fabric he said the shopkeeper called 'linsey-woolsey'. Another, smaller bolt of lighter cotton fabric woven with a pale pink and white gingham check print will serve me nicely for some aprons. If I'm careful with my cutting, I think i could possibly get three dresses out of the fabric, and at least five aprons. I look forward to having pretty dresses that fit me again. I don't know how he knew I wanted it; I hope it hasn't been obvious. It certainly wasn't an important purchase; the altered dresses are still very serviceable. I'll have to figure out something to do for him and Gravos both to thank them for all they've been doing. I couldn't have managed all this alone.
I wish we could sell this large clock in the hall; it would bring in quite a bit of money save for one problem: it's broken, and there's no clocksmiths for miles, and none that will travel. The clock is taller than I am, and wider than my shoulders, and extremely heavy. Jillas is glad we're keeping it though; he's got his eye on it to figure out how to fix it someday after we're caught up on our work.
As much as I'm loathe to though, I think I will have to return to the temple and see what can be salvaged. Waste not, want not. I wish we could do without anything in there entirely, but I'm in sore need of a pottery wheel, and the expenses of making one are rather high.
I've returned. It took several days, and I, against my better judgment at the time, left the egg with Jillas here while Gravos and I went to the temple. I have a pottery wheel now, and we've found some gold and other extravagant things we can sell.
I feel dirty. Blood money. But Gravos said that's just a hang-up, that money is money. I suppose it is, but I still feel sick. I felt sick going back there, touching everything, now that I'm aware of the taint on that place.
If I can ever afford it, I'm buying a new wheel, and destroying the one I brought here.
»Chapters: [ 1 - 2 - 3 ]
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