Still Waters » Surfacing » Fanfiction º When There's Nothing Left to Be

»Chapters: [ 1 - 2 - 3 ]

When There's Nothing Left to Be
[chapter three]
by Zanne Chaos


Sometimes, even in spite of all the best intentions, people fall into the very cycles they're trying to break away from if only for no other reason than not knowing any other way to live. Without guidiance or a good role model, there's not much else to go on. L-sama is at the top of the command totem pole, as far as Mazoku are concerned at least, and Xellos could very well pose as the poster child for the Mazoku race. For whatever her reasonings, the Lord of Nightmares chose to give Val a second chance at life, and picked Filia to be the one to provide it. If there's no one else who can make sure she's raising him in a normal fashion, well, someone ought to see that L-sama's will is carried out properly, hmm?




      Perhaps Gravos' prediction was coming true after all. Filia had been making and selling pottery for a period of time before opening an actual shop in an effort to increase their income to enable them to finish building it that much sooner. Now with there being an actual store open for three weeks, it seemed as though business might be picking up.

      It was late afternoon, and for the first time, Filia had more than a single customer in the store in the last hour. Above that, she made five sales, and two were for special orders - one for a dinnerware set, and one for a sword. Her mind was reeling from the sudden bustle by the time the last customer had departed, the tiny bells sewn to a ribbon dangling over the door fading into silence.

      She took a moment to collect herself, then knelt down behind the counter, checking on Val. The tiny hatchling was curled contentedly in his basket, still sound asleep, and she knew he likely would remain so until suppertime. She started out from behind the counter to put her shop back in order, when the door opened once more.

      Sunlight gleamed against purple hair and red gems, and her breath caught in her throat as a wave of panic trembled up inside her. The only concern on her mind was the defenseless, sleeping hatchling. Her child.

      "Good afternoon, Miss Filia!" Xellos said cheerfully, stepping into the shop.

      Her instincts warred against each other. She wanted to attack him, to defend Val, and she wanted to grab her son and flee as fast as she could. But she knew she couldn't defeat him, and she knew she couldn't outrun him. The panic came from the knowledge that if he was there to finish the job, if he was there to either kill Val, or take him back for the Mazoku, she was powerless to stop him. "Xellos." Her voice sounded wooden to her ears as she moved back behind the counter, putting it between them.

      He seemed to freeze, although his expression never changed. Then as quickly as the subtle hint of change came about, it was gone. "You think that I am going to do something? I just came by to see your shop." He made a soft tsking sound, and shook his head. "I do hope you don't treat all of your customers like this."

      She frantically cast about for a suitable answer. "Well, most of my customers aren't high-level Mazoku."

      "But my money is just as good as anyone else's, isn't it?" Xellos countered, still giving her that bright smile.

      Is that a trick question? she thought. Filia chose to sidestep that; there was no safe answer to give that she could see. "Are you saying you're here to buy something?" she asked, perhaps a bit incredulously.

      "It would certainly be rude of me to celebrate your opening without actually making a purchase, now wouldn't it?"

      Don't antagonize him, Filia told herself, hyperaware of Val's nearness. Just humor him and perhaps he'll leave. "I suppose it might be," she said, keeping her voice carefully neutral.

      There was a pause. It was barely longer than a second, but it was there. "Why, Miss Filia, if I didn't know any better, I'd think that you were afraid of me," he said, and his smile twisted into a smirk as he walked closer to the counter.

      Filia bit the inside of her cheek hard, and willed her knees not to buckle. She almost glanced in the direction of Val's basket to gauge how close they were to him, but caught herself in time. She forced her eyes to remain locked on Xellos' face. "Why not take a look at what's on the shelves?" she asked, her throat feeling almost too thick for the words to pass. "What's on the floor is what's available."

      "You're willing to take custom orders, I trust?" he asked, turning to the shelves and walking away.

      "Ye--" Filia started to reply, but Xellos wasn't finished speaking.

      "Your hatchling is napping, but if you're worried about him, you should probably go check on him. I know how a mother Dragon's instincts can be."

      Filia felt icy cold, and her nerves jangled from adrenaline. She hesitated for only a moment before moving to the basket, not taking her eyes off Xellos for even a heartbeat.

      For the first time, an exasperated expression crossed his face. "Really, Miss Filia," he chided, turning to the shelves. "I know you know that if I wanted to cause trouble, I could do so very easily."

      She stared at him, wanting to believe him, while logic argued against it. "And how do I know you're not just trying to wait until I lower my guard?"

      He didn't look at her. "Because you know that I wouldn't need to wait until you lower your guard."

      He had a point. She swallowed hard, trying to shift her scattered thoughts back into place and fumbled around for something else to say. "I didn't think I would see you again."

      He glanced at her, his closed-eyed expression that of a calm curiosity. "And why would you think that?"

      "More hope than think perhaps," she answered, dimly aware her sentences were as disjointed as her thoughts. Another moment's hesitation, then she tried again. "It doesn't seem plausible you would come around without being up to something."

      "Miss Filia, you wound me." He gave her a bright smile. "Can't a Mazoku drop in to see one of his traveling companions in her new shop?"

      She was trying not to step on toes, but Filia was slowly losing her patience with games. "Xellos, that's not how you work," she informed him. "Mazoku don't have friends. Miss Lina was your traveling companion too, and you would have sold her out in a heartbeat."

      "That's true," Xellos admitted brightly. "Your observation about Miss Lina, I mean. But she realizes this, and we seem to get along fine."

      Filia flailed about mentally, looking for an argument she could give that might have him willing to admit defeat and leave her in peace -- not in pieces. "I'm not Miss Lina."

      "That's very true," Xellos agreed. "In fact, Miss Lina still hasn't even thought about settling down and finding a more stable career." The topic changed as his gaze did, returning his attention to the pottery. "You made all these yourself?"

      She didn't want to admit it, but Filia was glad for the new direction. It gave her a chance to regroup. "Except for the weaponry over along that wall, and the little various bric-a-bracs on the shelves, yes."

      "It's very nice," he told her, inspecting a teapot.

      "Thank you." Filia watched him, still guarded, still waiting for the catch, the other shoe dropping.

      "This is a very nice house as well," Xellos told her, glancing around the former dining room. "You did well to acquire it."

      "Credit ought to go to Mister Gravos and Jillas for that," Filia said.

      "Nonsense. Admittedly, they have been helping, and perhaps they did find the place," Xellos said. "But you had to have closed the deal. I highly doubt any human would sell such a fine residence to a beastman, regardless of their ability or demeanor."

      "I suppose," she replied reluctantly.

      He set the teapot down carefully, giving her a bright smile. "So how have you been?"

      Did a Mazoku just inquire after her well-being? Filia watched him cautiously, wondering when the joke would be revealed. "Fine," she answered. Such mundane conversation with the Beastmaster's priest was surreal. She gave her head a slight shake to clear it, and finally took her gaze off Xellos, focusing on tidying her countertop. "I've been all right." Mundane was good. She could work with mundane. "Yourself?"

      "I have been well enough," he replied. "My superiors were pleased with how the Dark Star situation was resolved."

      "All's well that ends well, I suppose," she agreed. "I don't know--" Filia cut herself off, trying to organize her thoughts again. "I don't think there was any other way it could have been resolved."

      "I really have been meaning to thank you," Xellos said, grinning. "We could not have handled it quite so well without you."

      Filia looked up at him, and too many memories came back loud and clear. Too many things which she didn't want to think about anymore, and didn't want to see. Her lips were poised to answer, but her voice faltered and she quietly turned back to her work. "If you don't see anything suitable," she managed to say, "you already know I do custom orders within reason."

      There was a long pause, long enough that she almost looked up, then she heard his shoes and staff lightly tapping on the wooden floor as he approached. "Perhaps I shall take you up on that."

      Filia's thoughts were interrupted by Val's sudden wail of fright brought on from being woken by the Mazoku priest's close proximity. She jumped and immediately crouched beside the basket, scooping him up in a hurry, consoling him. "Shh, shh, it's okay, sweetie," she crooned as he nestled into the crook of her arm, quieting. "It's okay, shh."

      "Fil'ma," he murmured, nuzzling against her. She just melted, and remained kneeling on the floor, hugging him close as she stroked his head. Val purred quietly, then looked up at her. "Who dere?"

      "Ah, so he's awake," Xellos remarked.

      "It's just a customer," Filia said softly, petting the hatchling. "It's okay, Val." She stood, looking at Xellos, still keeping between the two of them.

      "A customer, eh?" He beamed. "So my money is good here after all! That is a relief."

      "If your money's what's accepted anywhere else in town, it's good here," Filia answered, finally forming what seemed a suitable reply.

      Xellos gave her a slight smirk. "I actually would be interested in ordering a tea set."

      Filia reached for a pencil and some paper as Val began to bat at her sleeve, playing with it. "Oh? What did you have in mind?"

      "I was considering a violet set," Xellos said. "How much do you charge for painting anyway?"

      "That varies," she answered. "It depends on what you want, what I can do, and the supplies needed. There's paints that are actually gilding, for example, but naturally those are very expensive and harder to come by, a heavily gilded set would cost more than an average one, even if the design on the non-gilded set was more intricate."

      Xellos merely smiled. "I can acquire any supplies that you might need for my request."

      Val wriggled out of her grip and crawled up her arm, his sharp talons digging into her sleeve. "Then it would depend on how intricate the pattern is only," Filia replied as the baby started to chew on her dress. She sighed and pulled him away, freeing the fabric from his teeth and talons, tucking him back under her arm. When she heard a pitiful little whine, she looked down at his rejected, teary-eyed expression, and melted.

      "I think he wants to play," Xellos said, his tone amused.

      "Pway!" Val agreed, perking up instantly.

      Her heart broke into itty, bitty crumbly pieces at his eager face, and she hugged him. "Not right now," she said apologetically. "I have to work."

      "Buh...buh...pway!" he protested, wide-eyed and confused.

      "We'll play tonight," she promised, pleading with him, hoping he'd accept it.

      "Miss Filia," Xellos interrupted, his tone an amused rebuke. "You can take a moment to play with your son. I have all the time in the world. It's only fair since I imagine I did wake him."

      She looked at Xellos, then back to Val for a moment before giving Xellos a tiny, grateful smile. She walked over to her chair by the potbellied stove, attempting for a stern tone as she spoke. "Just this once," she told Val, lightly tapping his nose as she sat.

      He nipped her finger, looking up at her cutely, batting his eyes. Filia just melted into a little puddle of adoration, and cuddled him close, listening to his loud, thrumming purr.

      "He is very cute for a hatchling," Xellos said.

      She glanced up, looking across to the other side of the shop where he now stood, presumably out of range from their emotions. "He certainly is," Filia agreed, looking back down as she scratched Val around his ears and under his chin.

      "He looks as though he has been eating well. His coat is coming in nicely."

      Filia batted the playful hatchling's nose with her fingertips, keeping an eye on his claws. "I make sure he doesn't want for anything."

      "Just be certain you don't spoil him," Xellos cautioned.

      Filia smiled at Val, watching as he gently nipped her fingers, playfully batting at them. "He deserves everything life has to offer, with interest due."

      "That may well be so," Xellos said, "but if you spoil him, he may become bratty and expectant. Don't forget that."

      "That won't happen," Filia protested, talking to Val, tapping him lightly between the eyes as she kissed a paw. "Will it, sweetie?"

      She was only vaguely aware of Xellos muttering something she didn't catch. Not that it mattered to her; she had her son to keep her attention. That, and those sharp little talons which were trying to grip her fingers.

      "I see you're learning to avoid those talons of his," Xellos observed.

      "Well, naturally." Filia shrugged. "Any Dragon's talons are going to be sharp, regardless of age."

      "Naturally," Xellos agreed. "Have you been spending any time with him in your true form?"

      "Hmm? No, of course not."

      "Why?"

      "Well, for one, I haven't left the village yet."

      "You really should," Xellos told her. "He'll need to get used to both of your forms, especially so you can teach him to learn to fly and become used to his other skills in that body."

      Filia didn't want to admit it, but he made sense, and she really didn't know the first thing about raising anything, let alone a hatchling. Still, taking parenting advice from a Mazoku? Filia didn't answer immediately, growing lost in thought as she continued to play with Val with an increasing level of distraction. "When I get time, I'll get to it."

      "Why, Miss Filia, you sound nervous!"

      She looked up at him, and frowned. "I happen to have more than enough to do around here, and he's still just--" She cut herself off with a sharp cry of pain as Val chomped down on a finger, sinking his talons in. Filia yanked her hand back and glared down at him, both hurt and angry, and slapped the fingers of her uninjured hand on his nose. "No! Don't bite!" she scolded sharply. "Bad Val! No more playtime!"

      He yelped and looked up at her, teary-eyed and confused, and she ignored it as she picked him up, setting him back down in his basket before tending to her finger. He had to learn that wasn't proper behavior.

      Xellos said nothing at first, then he approached the counter, frowning slightly. "Miss Filia, he's just a child, and you were playing with him in just that manner. That is rather harsh."

      "Fil'ma?" Val whimpered.

      "He shouldn't get into the habit of biting people like that," Filia said as she wrapped her finger, ignoring Val's whimpers. She glared at Xellos. "And besides, weren't you the one who just tried to lecture me about spoiling him?" she snapped. "Pick a theme and stick with it."

      "I prefer to stick to a centralized theme, rather than going to extremes such as this." His voice held such a serious note that it almost gave her pause.

      Filia drew in a deep breath, wiping the blood off her hand, and tried not to hear the sound of Val crying quietly in his basket. She hated punishing him, but he had to learn not to bite her like that. If he'd just stop doing it, she wouldn't have to punish him. "Just like a Mazoku to cause trouble," she muttered.

      Xellos clucked his tongue in rebuke, and circled the counter, approaching the basket. She didn't look in his direction, trying her best to ignore the crying. It tore at her heart, but what was she going to do? She could not let him develop bad, improper habits. It wasn't civilized. He bit her just last week when he tried to claim his dinner bowl as his property, and wouldn't let her take it for washing. Hoarding was a bad trait, an uncivilized trait. She couldn't let him get away with things like that and let him grow up thinking they were fine to do.

      To distract herself lest she lose the battle to keep from picking up Val and consoling him, she turned back to work. "What were you saying about the tea set?" she asked, trying to keep her voice steady.

      Filia picked up her supplies as Xellos crouched by Val, and started to gently stroke his head. "I would like a purple set, adorned with a mother wolf and pup beneath a blood moon," he said.

      Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Val look up at Xellos, then to her before laying his chin on the basket again, whimpering. "Fil'ma."

      She bit her lip and instead focused on each individual word as she wrote out the order.

      "There, there," Xellos said quietly. "Your mother is tending to business, I'm here right now."

      "I assume you wish for the set background to be in shades of purple, and the wolves themselves gray?" she continued.

      "Lighter shades of purple, and darker shades, closer to black than gray," he replied, scratching the hatchling around his ears.

      "Ma, ma," Val whimpered.

      Filia blinked back tears, her voice getting husky from the strain of keeping it steady. "And how many pieces to the set?"

      "Four." There was a slight pause. "Miss Filia, what are you doing?" He sounded annoyed.

      "Working," she replied curtly. "I assume you mean four teacups and saucers? Would you want a creamer and a sugar bowl with it, or not?"

      "Yes, please." His tone was getting shorter. "Tell me, do all Dragons put work before their children?"

      For just a moment, she was a child again. For just a moment, she was back there with the rest. Her breath caught in her throat, and she stared at the paper, not really seeing it past the sudden, impending flood of memories she tried to keep locked away. "Yes," she finally managed to rasp once her lungs began working. But she couldn't move.

      "Well, it seems to be working out very well," Xellos said, suddenly quite cheerful. "Just think, soon he'll be molded into doing exactly what you say."

      Hot tears burned her eyes, and she desperately tried to stem the tide. She would not cry, not in front of him. Damn him. This is what he came for, to belittle her, to humiliate her, to undermine everything she was trying to do.

      And she was trying. She was trying to keep life going on, trying her best to rebuild a life, and where had he been? Where was everyone? She had Jillas and Gravos, and that was all. And neither of them knew about raising young, let along a hatchling. Not that she knew the first thing either, but she was trying her best.

      And then he came along.

      She choked down the tears and the burning hatred, focusing on the quiet, efficient comfort of work. "Children are supposed to be obedient," she said thickly. "One teapot, four teacups and saucers, a creamer and sugar dish. That's all?"

      "Perhaps a few spoons as well, do either of your companions make them?"

      Filia wanted to jab her pencil into his throat at the cheerful lilt to his voice. "They make them," she replied, her voice low and wooden.

      "And you really must realize," Xellos continued, his tone losing the cheerful edge and becoming quiet and calm, "that he isn't old enough to tell right from wrong yet, even with a scolding."

      Too many memories. She tried to keep writing, but the wet drops forming on the paper made her stop. Xellos picked up the basket and walked up to her. Val yelped in terror. For just a moment, a flash of rage coursed through her that was quickly smothered; a mother protecting her hatchling. Then the doubts spoke up. The fears. The questions. Was he taking Val from her? She couldn't breathe as she shut her eyes tightly, struggling to keep her lip from trembling at the weight of the sob building up. Did he see her as unfit as she was afraid she might be?

      And then there was that nasty little voice suggesting that perhaps Val would be better off with a Mazoku than her, the killer of his people. She was still one of their kind, after all.

      "I would like four spoons," Xellos said, "with the handles topped with a wolf's head."

      She tried to force her hand to move, to start writing, but nothing responded. Then suddenly her view of the paper was blotted out as Xellos put the basket directly on top of it, with Val clinging to his stuffed toy, curled into a ball. For all of two heartbeats, Filia didn't move. Then she cracked, scooping him up quickly, holding him close as she drew in deep, shuddering breaths. Val yelped in surprise before clinging to her, trembling like he was freezing.

      Tears burned her eyes and it was difficult to breathe. She just focused on deep breaths, trying to make them become steady as she concentrated on shoving all those fears back into their closet. They were supposed to stay there, especially in the day. She couldn't deal with them.

      "Perhaps, Miss Filia," Xellos said, "you should not rely on your own upbringing to influence how you raise him."

      Filia didn't move or acknowledge him. She couldn't. Retorts tumbled to the tip of her tongue, but if she even blinked wrong, she feared she would lose what tenuous grip she still had on her emotions. A moment later, she felt him tapping her shoulder, and she knew he wouldn't let her ignore him.

      "I. Am. Doing. All. I. Can," she ground out between clenched teeth, her voice low and thick, trembling from the strain of keeping back sobs.

      "And I, Miss Filia, have many more years of experience that I do not share often."

      There was something in his voice that demanded he not be ignored, a seriousness to it that forced her to shift her gaze sidelong at his face. He was staring at her, eyes fully open. As she met them, his lips curled into a small grin, and they closed once more.

      "The both of you could use the love you give each other," he said. "It's not a conditional thing, after all."

      Any urge to cry suddenly began to evaporate rapidly. She couldn't have been any more surprised than if her pottery suddenly sprouted faces and limbs and began a song and dance routine. Filia blinked a few times, turning her head to look at him fully. "Uh..." Blink, blink. "Is, um, is there anything matter?" she asked, still blinking as she stared at him, frowning in utter befuddlement. "Are you unwell?" She looked at him skeptically. "Are you quite certain you are really Xellos, the Beastmaster's priest?"

      His expression grew highly exasperated. "I am feeling rather unclean, if you really must know," he replied, his tone just a bit peevish. "But I assure you, I am otherwise fine and exactly who I say I am."

      Filia stared at him as her brain did the math. He told her something without any ulterior motive, and in fact even in spite of himself? He did something that she supposed could very well be described as selfless? For her?

      Her brain wrapped around that concept about as daintily and gently as a gigantic runaway train might wrap around a large temple.

      Screech. Crash. Clatter. Poing.

      Huh?

      She just stared at him.

      Xellos smirked, opening one eye in a bit of a playful wink. "Now perhaps my advice warrants a discount?"

      Filia's lips curled into a tiny, warm smile before she even realized it, and ducked her head, nuzzling Val. She was no fool; she didn't trust him. But her brain was too busy picking up the pieces from when the surreal reality of him actually being nice to her crashed into it full force to bother with a defense. "I'm sure something can be arranged," she said softly. "I think a month's time would be enough to complete it."

      "That will be fine. Take all the time you need for it, I'm in no hurry," Xellos told her. She turned her head, just watching him, and he smirked slightly. "Why don't you close your shop? You've done some good business today, it seems, and I suspect you could use a moment with your son."

      "If I asked why you're doing this," she said, her voice barely above a whisper, "would I get an actual answer?"

      His smirk became a grin, and she thought there seemed to be something decidedly friendly to it for once. "Not any answer that you would appreciate," he cheerfully replied.

      Filia struggled in a losing battle against the smile tugging at her mouth. "Like I said, check back in a month."



»Chapters: [ 1 - 2 - 3 ]


Filia Ul Copt and The Slayers are the property of: Hajime Kanzaka; Rui Araizumi; Kadokawa Shoten; TV TOKYO; SOFTX; Marubeni. This is a fansite for personal entertainment. No money is made, and there is no affiliation -- either official or un -- with the creators.

The layout graphics, site design, and unless otherwise indicated, the site content are all copyright to Zanne Chaos, 2004.