Still Waters » On the Waves » About the Webmistress

The Woman Behind the Code
Contact Information
E-MAIL site-related business and fandom e-mail.
LiveJournal LiveJournal - sometimes friendlocked, depending on trolling. This is my primary journal.
Fanfiction Writing journal - new entries are always friendlocked; however, I add people who want to be able to read fic snippets when I post them.
JournalFen Fandom journal - this is usually not locked, and usually has various injokes from various fandoms, and all kinds of fandom-centric snark.
DeviantArt A lot of my fanart winds up here too.
Slayers My Slayers fanfiction domain
ZChaos My primary domain.


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Well. I've got this page open, and I'm supposed to start writing about myself. Why, oh, why did I decide to do this page? I hate these things. I can give you some basics, but anything I say just scratches the surface. Meh. Might as well just start talking and say whatever comes to mind. If you want to know a bit more about me in relation to Slayers, I get into that over on my own fanfiction site.

Yes, I'm Otherkin, Blue Dragon specifically. I've always, always known there was something about me that wasn't like the others. I tried to be like other people I observed, but my natural instinctual reactions were different. Even as a little tot, I noticed this. Of course, I didn't have the first clue what Otherkin was, or that anyone was different than everybody else. Most of my childhood was spent in a conservative midwest region within 30 miles of an Amish village. Do the math.

In spite of Dragons being a lifelong passion of mine, it took me forever to consider them as a possibility. I'm too damned logical sometimes. I pretty much tried to match up my responses, reactions, and instincts with everything in the known animal kingdom before giving up for a while. Quite honestly, if I were to just pick something and declare that as what I was, it would've been a horse. Horses are my first love, even my second word. Never did call 'em 'horsie', and I corrected adults who used such a word. But realistically speaking, I had little in common with their behavior patterns.

When I finally shifted my gaze to other possibilities, I was looking at things like Elves and unicorn first. By the time I finally looked at Dragons, well...it fit so perfectly and felt so right, and was so bloody obvious I almost literally facevaulted at my own lack of sense. At the time, I didn't even know other people were like me. I had no clue there were other Dragonkin, and never heard of Otherkin. It wasn't for another year or two after that when I stumbled over Draconic.com.

No, I don't believe in reincarnation. I'm not sure why I am the way I am -- the why isn't that important to me. The what is, to understand my response, my reactions, my instincts. I hoard books -- my treasure of choice -- I'm territorial, extremely aggressive which will build to the point of attacking with intent to kill if anyone tries to trap, corner, or restrain me against my will...draconic traits all.

I've always placed an extraordinarily high emphasis on qualities such as loyalty, respect, honor, and honesty. I hold not only myself to these standards, but others as well. Simply put, I don't bother cultivating deep friendships with people who do not give me the same degree of respect and courtesy as I will give them. If someone cannot be honest with me, if they cannot conduct themselves honorably, if they cannot afford me that same respect I give them, my friendship is better spent elsewhere on those who can and will. Does that make me a hardass? Perhaps. But look at it this way -- would you want a friend who treats you with less respect than you treat them? Very few people actually do. But most people get their back up on the honesty issue because they themselves do not follow that. For all I can tell, it makes them feel guilty and uncomfortable to realize they have no real issue with lying.

I don't care why people lie. There's never any excuse for it. If someone has a problem with another person, that's a problem that needs dealing with. Letting it fester until it explodes later is never the solution. Telling lies to conceal said problem is the height of idiocy. People think it's okay to lie because as the saying goes, "Truth hurts." You know what? Yes, it hurts. But it's a clean wound. I've had truth-inflicted wounds and lie-inflicted wounds, and you know which one heals faster and cleaner and makes you stronger in the end? The truth. Lies rot. They're infected, jagged, dirty wounds that turn into gangrene in your heart and ooze and throb. They're hard to clean out, they're hard to heal, and they scar. Lies are betrayal. Ask anyone who's been betrayed just how easy it was for them to recover. People might argue that the truth in those cases is what hurts, when the lies come to light and people find out the truth.

Wrong. The truth is not the issue; it's the lies that infect the wound, it's the betrayal that oozes out. And trust me, lies always get revealed sooner or later. Lies will not stay afloat naturally. The truth needs no control, no manipulation. Lies do. They build up, one upon another, and you're juggling them trying to keep them all up in the air at once, all the stories straight, and just one wrong move and it all falls down.

I have no patience for liars.

I'm also aware at this point I'm coming across more like a Domme or a Switch, not a submissive. But I am a sub. I'm just not a doormat, and as I've also pointed out, I'm also a Dragon. I'm instinctively far more subby to people who've earned that respect. And oh, if you're a Dom/me, don't bother trying to insist for me to address you as 'Master' or 'Mistress' if you e-mail me. That's a good way to ensure I'll hold you in contempt, not respect. I'll address someone as such if that's part of their online handle and I'm naming names, but if I address anyone while speaking to them, at best, they get 'sir' and 'ma'am'. I'm already collared, and the title distinction from my lips goes to one person, and one person only.

I'm a fanficcer who's recently discovered her inner art muse. Star Wars is my first real fandom, back from a time when I didn't even know the word 'fandom' existed, let alone know that I was called a 'fan'. Yes, I remember when the original trilogy was released...the first time (I was born in 1974). My first love as far as genre goes is science fiction. It didn't take me long to discover the classics, like Asimov and Heinlein. Ironically, while I like fantasy, reading it was never something I found particularly enjoyable, perhaps because fantasy worlds are generally very visual, and the writing would oftentimes get excessively bogged down in description.

I love mysteries - Mary Higgins Clark is a favorite of mine, as is Patricia Cornwell. Agatha Christie rules the roost, and her Peroit novels are among my favorites. I love suspense that keeps you gripping the arms of your chair, but graphic, bloody horror often bores me. I usually prefer Koontz over King, and over them both I like the classics, such as Rebecca. Books are a passion of mine.

I have a love for law and medicine both, although for various reasons I've never entered either career field. My dream job is that of a forensic anatomical pathologist, which would combine the best of both worlds.

I'm completely deaf, and have been since I was four due to spinal meningitis. I'm good with horses, and a fairly skilled (if currently out of practice) rider. I currently own two cats, although I've owned a wide variety of animals over my lifetime thus far, including a Preying Mantis and a turtle (Red-eared Slider, specifically).

I'm childfree, and I make a distinction between parents and breeders because parents who actually do their job, and spend time with their children and devote time and energy into the thankless task of raising them to be pleasant, productive citizens don't deserve to be clumped into the same category as those who expect the world to be bubble-wrapped and shriek "What about the chyyyylllllldrruunnn!" and don't want to actually have to do anything themselves because "it's just so haaaaaaaard!" I don't like or dislike children. They're people, not some strange, holy species entitled to worship. I dislike rude, ill-mannered people of all ages, period.

I'm childfree because I really can't picture myself raising a child, and I don't actually want to. See, ladies and gents? This is intelligent reasoning in action. I'm not controlled by my biology. I'd rather regret not having a child than regret having one, since I could always foster, adopt, or mentor later on if I do change my mind, and if I have one and change my mind, well, that's the kind of thing monsters like Diane Downs, Darlie Routier, and Susan Smith do. (I'm not naming Andrea Yates because I believe she did have serious psychological problems, and her husband is every bit as much to blame for pushing her over the edge.)

I wish a special level of hell upon anyone who harms a child, and more than that, I wish I could be the one to send them there...slowly. (And before you start opening an e-mail to tell me I'll change my mind, or lecture me about my choice, I highly suggest you read this excellent, well-written essay by Carolyn Ray: The Shame of Not Wanting Children

Last but not least, I am a Christian. My beliefs fall very closely in line with those of Orthodox Quakers. I...I'm not really inclined to say much more at this point because at the time of this writing, I'm rather fed up with the vicious, hateful intolerance the more narrow-minded, fundamental conservatives who claim to be Christian promote. I'm weary of the topic, and if I start in on it, I'm liable to go off on yet another rant. Maybe later on someday I'll expand a bit more on this.

Anyhow, there you have it. I'm very opinionated, childfree, sarcastic, impish, playful, loyal, compassionate, impatient, intolerant of willful stupidity... I'm gothic, I'm country, I'm victorian, I'm hentai, I'm prudish, I refuse to fit within any label but "Me". I'm a pessimistic romantic and a paradox. I speak my mind and I call a spade a spade, and the hell with anyone who doesn't like it. If I come across as being a demanding, intolerant, uncompromising bitch, good. I can be that. In fact, that's often the side of me the general public gets treated to seeing. Life has led me to the point where I'm very selective about who receives my compassion. I'm even more selective about who I let in past the first few walls enough to discover I'm also passionately loyal, tenderhearted, and caring. I have a terrible temper, and I don't always succeed at keeping it in check. But the compassion and loyalty -- that's been abused far too often for me to even show it to just anyone. If you can see far enough past the uncompromising surface to decide there's someone past all that worth getting to know, then... hello.


Filia Ul Copt and The Slayers are the property of: Hajime Kanzaka; Rui Araizumi; Kadokawa Shoten; TV TOKYO; SOFTX; Marubeni. This is a fansite for personal entertainment. No money is made, and there is no affiliation -- either official or un -- with the creators.

The layout graphics, site design, and unless otherwise indicated, the site content are all copyright to Zanne Chaos, 2004.